Skills? Who needs ‘em?
What the fucking bullshit.
So the guy inquires at my website, which states clearly what the rules of engagement are – that we have a phone consult and that we meet in person for a conversation, at a clearly specified dollar amount, and so on.
Wants to know, via email, whether I will do such and such. Well, not exactly. Has many complex fantasies, some strange. Doesn’t say what they are, so who the hell knows how strange they really are. Some people think a vanilla 3-some is wild and strange. Hell, some people think making noise while you fuck is strange. Others think electrical prods, gagging, suspension bondage and peeing on each other are pretty ordinary.
Strange. Ok dude, whatever.
So we talk. He mentions age play (one or both pretending to be another age). He has never talked to anyone about this before, much less played with it, and never talked to a professional. He is concerned that I can not guarantee him that he will get his fantasies satisfied. Even though he has not told me what they are.
Says it’s risky spending this much money without knowing.
And how the hell are you going to know? Like I am going to say yes, I will do xyz – to a stranger on the internet who is – first of all, no telling who he is really. Second of all, I am going to agree to illegal activity? on email?!?!
However, after our talk, he emails some more. I explain some things about fantasy, about the importance of acceptance and that I take people through certain skills before we jump in.
Then he writes back – I don’t want to learn skills, I just want to play.
Holy shit. Wake up people.
If you don’t know that there even ARE any skills involved in fantasy play – then you sure as hell don’t have them!!
And if you are worried that you may risk spending your money and not getting there fast enough, then grow up!
This is in reality the hardest part – well maybe not – but at least the most aggravating part of this work.
You have NO CLUE what you don’t know. And I am supposed to show you what it is? Convince you that there does indeed exist some things you will need to be aware of to go any further?
Show up here ready to learn and have some humility about the fact, and we can get just about anywhere. Anywhere.
Try to convince me that there is nothing for you to learn – that is a crock of shit. What are you afraid of?
Get your butt in here and I can take you right to the edge of what you know, and what you are comfortable with, and it won’t take so awfully long, either. Of that I am confident.
If you are a beginner, then great, acknowledge there are things to learn that you are not yet aware of and that may not be explainable in a 10 minute phone call.
Don’t waste my time arguing with me about how much time it’s going to take you to learn the basics. There is no way in hell I can tell you. We have not even met for god’s sake!
And here is what chaps my butt (as my cowboy friend used to say).
What underlies this, I believe, is the assumption that everyone is somewhat like you. If we are going to learn algebra, it should take 12 weeks of 6 class hours blah-dy blah.
Do you not realize that some people can not yet add and subtract? Do you not realize that not everyone is like you?
And you expect me to be able to say it will take this long to get this skill and this long to get that one?
I don’t even know yet if you can feel anything below your neck. A concept that is likely completely foreign to you.
So skills? Yes, there are some. If you want them, you’ll have to admit that there are some you don’t have.
If you don’t know they exist, you sure as hell don’t have them and we sure as hell are not going into the potentially dangerous territory of dark fantasy without them. And if you don’t know that there is any potential danger in dark fantasy play, you SURE as hell don’t have them!!
And if you can’t handle either of those, get out of the way of others who do.