My 3 year old friend is a very social little guy, but without much, uh, finesse. At the zoo the other day, he runs up to a little girl about his size, gets right in her face and tries to climb into her stroller with her. She is less than thrilled, tries to block him – no, she says, no. The little guy is not so sensitive, keeps trying. I am just about to reach over and pick him up when her mother says to her – It’s not nice to say no, honey.

Holy shit!!! The hair on the back of my neck stands up. What are you thinking?!!!

I don’t have the presence of mind to say so, but I’m thinking – honey, when she gets about 14 you are going to WISH she could say no!!!

Instead, I lean over and take my little guy by the shoulders, gently turn him around and say - very clearly so the mom, and especially the girl, can hear me – No means No. This person does not want you in her stroller right now – and move him away.

Holy shit!!! Right there in front of me, in broad daylight, this mom is teaching her daughter how to give up what she knows about herself in favor of what someone else thinks in right, how to believe her own feelings can’t be trusted, how to shut up and tolerate whatever is done to her, how to resent everyone in her life she can’t say no to, and how to stop thinking and submit to personal injustices small and large. And once you have that skill down, you can graduate to tolerating social injustices small and large as well.

I didn’t have the presence of mind to speak to the mom at the time.

And why didn’t I, I’m just now thinking? Because somewhere down inside, there is this message – It’s not nice to interfere. Damn. Next time I will, I promise.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 9th, 2007 at 9:35 am and is filed under Deep Thoughts, On Intimacy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.