Let’s see. I told you I would talk about this ‘Sacred’ thing, didn’t I?

What do I mean by Sacred Intimate, Sacred Whore, Sacred whatever?

Mmmm…that’s not a word that I use with myself anymore, but it is a word that people recognize to have some meaning, so I use it to communicate – well, you can judge for your self what I’m communicating by the time you finish this post. (which is a long one)

To me, using the word sacred implies that there is something else that is not. Now, really, how could anything not be sacred?

We say sacred to make ourselves really sit up and pay attention, because this thing, this sacred thing, is worthy of extra special attention. Why? Because this sacred thing has some importance, some power, some meaning this is not the usual day-to-day stuff. And there’s nothing wrong with doing that for ourselves. We can often use some good reminders!

One problem with the word sacred is that people take it to mean that the thing is beyond questioning. Just take it the way it is, don’t question, just obey. I’m not even going to grace that one with a rebuttal.

I sometimes enjoy ritual and celebration with groups of women, drumming and dancing around fires and howling at the moon – it’s fabulous! And of course there are activities and icons and such that are called sacred. And then there are always the jokes – where is the sacred spaghetti spoon? Or I had a flat on the way out and had to get out the sacred jack. I love that stuff!

Then there is using the word sacred to mean that it somehow transcends the body experience. ‘Transcend’ means to ‘get beyond’. Now that one really gets me going. How is it that IN the body is less virtuous or less meaningful or less powerful or less anything, than OUT of the body?

That is simply a left-over, and a very tired one, from the cultural paradigm that splits good (spiritual, heavenly) from bad (physical, earthly). Please – let’s get over that one.

It’s like the – ‘that was the most awesome sex ever – I had an out-of-body experience’ thing. Honey if you want something really radical, try being IN the body while you have sex! IN the body is far more challenging, because you actually get to feel your feelings, even the unpleasant ones, which will, yes, arise during closeness or intense sensation like sex.

This is turning into a bit of a rant, isn’t it? Bear with me, and I’ll answer the question.

Anyway, so that is a way that I don’t use sacred – I don’t use it to mean that sacred sexuality is somehow more blessed or worthy or virtuous than ‘un-sacred’ or ‘carnal’.

So, what about being IN the body?

The more I have chosen to explore the sensations and responses and mysteries of my body, the more ‘spiritual’ is the experience. When I sink deeply into my physical experience, it opens my heart and I am more compassionate. (there’s some fascinating brain physiology about that – for another day)

In other words, the more physical the experience, the more spiritual it is.

So I have come to feel that either everything is sacred or nothing is sacred. Which makes it all the same thing, doesn’t it? The sacred and the profane have come full circle to meet each other. Are you ashamed of your profanity, that you have to keep it far far away from your divinity?

Now to the whoring part.

When I began this work, I still had a bit of the good/bad thing. I was really into healing and added sexuality to that work.

Then I got to know several working prostitutes. And I tell ya – I was impressed! With their heart, their generosity, their savvy and self-responsibility. Then I spent a few days working with a friend who did regular old massage with a hand job. No special intentions, no complexity, nothing ‘spiritual’. Rub-n-tug.

I loved it! And I noticed that – wow – this is a wonderful service for these people. A real, genuine, appreciated, worthwhile service, just on its own. Just like that. Worthwhile.

I was developing my sense of what I would offer. Each of us is different. I was not interested in intercourse, partly because it did not appeal to me with strangers, and also because it was still ‘sacred’ to me. That is, it held some special place of power.

Then I realized one day – Hell, who am I kidding? With the right person and the right money, I’d fuck my little brains out! So then fucking was no longer the ‘line’ between sacred whoring and just plain whoring. What was it then?

So for me, this is it –

It has nothing to do with ‘sacred’. It has to do with what I know about people and how we dull ourselves into a rut of complacency and self-ignorance and isolation. I do not wish to contribute to any one’s habitual un-aware rehearsal of their own self-ignorance. It’s boring and not ethically satisfying.

I am interested in giving you the opportunity to discover new options for yourself. New ways to take responsibility for your own desire, to open your heart to yourself, to ride the inner rapids of emotion and vulnerability, to surrender to the physicality of your sensation. Now THAT is interesting work!

So the line is this – does this interaction keep this person in his or her isolation, or does it open new possibilities for connection? That’s it. That’s the only question.

Aha! And here’s the good part – in order to do that, I have to be completely true to myself and my choices and my boundaries, and honest with you, and never just ‘go along with’ your limited ideas. Unfortunately, ‘going along with’ happens all the time with sex, both paid and unpaid.

Does that mean that you don’t get to come in and just get a nice rub-n-tug? No! It means that we are attentive to your intentions, your connection and awareness of yourself, your responsibility for your desires and choices, your heart. And that if you don’t know how to do that, I’m going to teach you first. When you are clear on that and communicate with me about it, come on in and get all the rub-n-tugs you can stand.

Because then they will feed your heart as well as your, uh, you know what.

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 1st, 2007 at 5:37 pm and is filed under Deep Thoughts, Sacred Intimates. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.